How Mennonites Date (Part 1)
The Holdemans
(Church of God in Christ, Mennonite)
Would you marry a man you only saw twice before in your life, and never even spoke a word to him those two times? How about becoming engaged without ever dating, and then getting married about 2 months after the engagement? Sound risky, frightening, terrifying or ridiculous? Well, we're about to discuss the ways our different Mennonite friends get "hooked", beginning with the Holdeman Mennonites.
Click here for the Youtube video.
As I have mentioned before, this Mennonite group is made up of different cultures and ethnicities, and is not part of or was ever a branch of any of the "German" Mennonites in Belize. Anyways, on to our dating. Actually, no form of dating is permitted; it is part of their written doctrine. So how do the young people know who, where, when and how? They believe that a born again, baptized member must rely on inner conviction, i.e. the voice of the Holy Spirit, to let him know which girl "impresses" him, whether she's a Nigerian from way over in some tiny African village or a Maya girl from Belize. With this impression in his heart, he goes and talks to his parents after which both he and them talk to the minister. The minister then delivers the message to the girl and her parents. A period of waiting follows during which the girl and her parents pray and discuss. Rarely will a girl say no.
Holdeman Mennonites believe that if that girl is the one for him, then God will have been working on both of them to lead them to each other. Throughout all this process, everyone involved continually prays.
Once the girl herself receives a conviction telling her yes (it may come from a Bible verse, song, parent, spiritual sister or relative) she relays the message to the young man. Her affirmative answer is in itself the engagement, because after this the couple is given more liberty in interacting with each other so that they can plan the wedding. I can hear some of my readers exclaiming, "What?! So fast?". I have listened to couples tell their love story of 30 years ago, so I know this "no-courtship" system works. Unfortunately and sadly, cases of failing marriages, flirtatious behavior among boys and girls who "like" each other and sex before marriage, are very slowly but surely increasing, yet it seems to be based more on the "worldliness" and pornography creeping in their churches than on the no-dating doctrine. (Since they have a central government, the same doctrines apply to all Holdeman members around the world.)
Beach Amish and Conservative Mennonites
These Mennonites are frequently referred to as the "white-veil" Mennonites since both of these groups dress very nearly the same, with the Beachy being stricter and more rigid in dress code. But what about dating?
A godly courtship in order to discover both physical and spiritual compatabilities is necessary for a young couple to establish a solid foundation for marriage, according to them. Therefore, a young man may start dating the girl he likes (with both sets of parents, the girl, and the minister agreeing to it first) to see if it will eventually develop into a real relationship. In this case they are like the Holdemans; they believe the born-again person must rely on the leading of the Holy Spirit as to when to "come to terms", i.e. make a decision if they are really meant for each other. If they both believe the Spirit tells them yes, then they speak to the parents and also the minister about it (the engagement). Now the actual courting begins! So the actual time from the first date until the wedding is about a year, maybe more, maybe less depending on the church standards since some of these churches operate independently of each other without a written doctrinal unification; what is the accepted norm in one congregation might differ in another congregation and so on. In all of this, there is a lot of praying going on by all those concerned for the boy and girl. But alas, sexual lust and infidelity cases are not absent, although certainly rare.
These 3 groups of Mennonites mentioned here do not use any outward symbol of engagement such as jewelery, nor is any kissing permitted during the whole courtship. Holding hands............ well, hmmmm...let me think.....
(Church of God in Christ, Mennonite)
Would you marry a man you only saw twice before in your life, and never even spoke a word to him those two times? How about becoming engaged without ever dating, and then getting married about 2 months after the engagement? Sound risky, frightening, terrifying or ridiculous? Well, we're about to discuss the ways our different Mennonite friends get "hooked", beginning with the Holdeman Mennonites.
Click here for the Youtube video.
As I have mentioned before, this Mennonite group is made up of different cultures and ethnicities, and is not part of or was ever a branch of any of the "German" Mennonites in Belize. Anyways, on to our dating. Actually, no form of dating is permitted; it is part of their written doctrine. So how do the young people know who, where, when and how? They believe that a born again, baptized member must rely on inner conviction, i.e. the voice of the Holy Spirit, to let him know which girl "impresses" him, whether she's a Nigerian from way over in some tiny African village or a Maya girl from Belize. With this impression in his heart, he goes and talks to his parents after which both he and them talk to the minister. The minister then delivers the message to the girl and her parents. A period of waiting follows during which the girl and her parents pray and discuss. Rarely will a girl say no.
Holdeman Mennonites believe that if that girl is the one for him, then God will have been working on both of them to lead them to each other. Throughout all this process, everyone involved continually prays.
Once the girl herself receives a conviction telling her yes (it may come from a Bible verse, song, parent, spiritual sister or relative) she relays the message to the young man. Her affirmative answer is in itself the engagement, because after this the couple is given more liberty in interacting with each other so that they can plan the wedding. I can hear some of my readers exclaiming, "What?! So fast?". I have listened to couples tell their love story of 30 years ago, so I know this "no-courtship" system works. Unfortunately and sadly, cases of failing marriages, flirtatious behavior among boys and girls who "like" each other and sex before marriage, are very slowly but surely increasing, yet it seems to be based more on the "worldliness" and pornography creeping in their churches than on the no-dating doctrine. (Since they have a central government, the same doctrines apply to all Holdeman members around the world.)
Beach Amish and Conservative Mennonites
A godly courtship in order to discover both physical and spiritual compatabilities is necessary for a young couple to establish a solid foundation for marriage, according to them. Therefore, a young man may start dating the girl he likes (with both sets of parents, the girl, and the minister agreeing to it first) to see if it will eventually develop into a real relationship. In this case they are like the Holdemans; they believe the born-again person must rely on the leading of the Holy Spirit as to when to "come to terms", i.e. make a decision if they are really meant for each other. If they both believe the Spirit tells them yes, then they speak to the parents and also the minister about it (the engagement). Now the actual courting begins! So the actual time from the first date until the wedding is about a year, maybe more, maybe less depending on the church standards since some of these churches operate independently of each other without a written doctrinal unification; what is the accepted norm in one congregation might differ in another congregation and so on. In all of this, there is a lot of praying going on by all those concerned for the boy and girl. But alas, sexual lust and infidelity cases are not absent, although certainly rare.
These 3 groups of Mennonites mentioned here do not use any outward symbol of engagement such as jewelery, nor is any kissing permitted during the whole courtship. Holding hands............ well, hmmmm...let me think.....
